How To Help Our Children Learn To Self Regulate

Understanding and managing our feelings and behaviours are critical in being able to access the rational part of our brain.

Without this skill we can find it difficult to control impulses, listen for learning, appropriately express our emotions for positive peer socialisation, reflect on behavioural choices to decide whether there are more effective ways of behaving in the future, or manage stress to cope with uncomfortable emotions or unexpected changes.

It is important to understand that the area of the brain that is responsible for regulating emotions and impulse control is not yet fully developed in children.

In fact, this area (the pre-frontal cortex) will not reach full maturity until the age of 25. It takes time to learn and build on skills in order to handle some situations. A child develops these skills through warm and responsible parenting and relationships, and modeling behaviours they see from adults around them.

Some children need more support than others to develop emotion regulation skills.

Here are some ways we can support them by co-regulating;

-Acknowledging and talking about the emotion and encouraging them to explain how it feels.

- Helping our child identify the situations that trigger those strong emotions and support them in developing effective ways to cope in those situations.

- Modelling appropriate self-regulation, for example; instead of frowning and raising your voice, express the emotion you're feeling and take a deep breath. If you need to step away from the situation for a while to give yourself time to fully regulate, let your child know this and find some space.