Self-Worth – What Exactly Is It and Why Is It Important for My Child?
What is Self-Worth?
Self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence; they are terms that are frequently used interchangeably. While they do overlap, there are significant differences that, I believe, makes self-worth the foundation for how we view ourselves.
Self-confidence reflects a feeling of competence in specific areas, such as particular sports, public speaking or academic subjects. Self-esteem, like self-confidence, links more to approval from others on how you look or how you perform on certain tasks. They both stem from external factors, whereas self-worth comes from within.
It is at the core of our very selves; an inner sense of value and respect that cannot be taken away by external circumstances, such as accomplishments or abilities.
When we focus on our self-confidence or self-esteem, we are feeling good about ourselves only when we have accomplished something or someone approves of us. There is certainly nothing wrong with feeling confident because you are doing well in in your academics or sports, but If we feel good about ourselves, despite negative comments from others or not winning the medal, then we really have a super power! This unshakeable value in ourselves is what we can support our children in finding.
We can reinforce their value for who they are, not what they do.
Why is it important?
This feeling of worthiness is crucial for our child’s mental and emotional health. When someone has a healthy sense of self-worth, they are more likely to have healthy relationships, take on challenges with confidence and have a positive outlook on life. Children who feel good about themselves feel able to take on new things and are not overly afraid of making mistakes. They can feel proud of the effort that they made, as the outcome is not where they hold their worth.
When children don’t feel worthy, they feel very unsure of themselves and are apprehensive about joining in or making new friends, as they believe they won’t be accepted. They can find it hard to defend themselves and this may make it more likely that they experience bullying. Making mistakes or not winning feels so hard to cope with that they can give up easily or not even try at all. This means that they aren’t able to do as well as they could, which creates a vicious cycle.
Low self-worth can lead to negative self-talk, anxiety , depression and even self-destructive behaviours.
How Can We Help Our Children Feel Worthy?
This is an important role for us as parents and care givers. Supporting healthy self-worth will generate vast benefits for our children. Here are some practical ways we can do this;
Praise Effort, Not Just Achievement
Yes, it is important to acknowledge our children’s achievements, but its is also crucial to praise their efforts. When we do this, we are helping our child understand that success is not just about being naturally talented, but also about persevering and working hard. This will help them develop a growth mindset, which is the belief that their abilities can be developed.
Give Them Unconditional Love and Attention
It is invaluable for our children to feel loved and accepted for who they are, just as they are, flaws and all. We need to show them that we love them no matter what, we spend time with them, listen to them and validate their feelings.
Guide Them in Being Kind and Compassionate
We can encourage our children to be empathic and understanding, and to treat others with respect and dignity. We, as parents and caregivers, can model this behaviour, demonstrating kindness and care to ourselves as well as others. Self-worth grows in this compassion and understanding.
Encourage Them to Pursue Their Interests
Whether or not our child’s interests differ from our own, we can encourage them to pursue whatever it is that they are showing fascination in or curiosity about. When children have the opportunity to explore their passions, they develop a sense of purpose and direction in life, tapping into an internal guide that can lead them to feeling empowered and fulfilled.
Celebrate Their Uniqueness
Let our children know that it’s okay to be different and that their unique qualities are what make them special. This will help them develop a positive self-image and boost their self-worth.
A child that has a strong sense of self-worth will ultimately experience greater emotional well-being. It’s easy to fall in to praising external achievements, but if we make some small changes in how we relate to our children we can help make the shift to the internal sense of value. As parents and care givers we can be their teachers and guides in cultivating this deep-rooted feeling of self-worth.
