What Happens When Our Children Compare Themselves With Others?
It is normal human behaviour, for both adults and children, to compare ourselves to others.
However, when we start to focus on the perceptions that others have more, are better and that we are, therefore, not good enough, this can negatively impact our self-esteem.
When we enter the state of comparison-making, our seeing is distorted. We become blind to our own value, while dismissing or devaluing the real worth we have.
To help our children turn this potential self-esteem zapper into motivation, we can encourage them to just be curious about that person.
They can ask questions about how this person can do something so well, what they can learn from them, and what they can do to become better themselves.
We can also encourage them to only compare themselves with themselves, by focussing on their own improvement; "Wow, you weren't able to read that book at the beginning of the year and now, with all that practice, you can read it!"
We also must be mindful to not compare our children, even with small things;
"look, your brother has already brushed his teeth and is ready for his story". Similarly, using comparison for praise should also be thought about carefully, as it still encourages this notion of comparison; "you stood nicely and waited, while everyone else ran over to see".
Focussing on their own effort and improvement, reframing comparison with others, and being mindful of any comparisons we make can steer our children away from the negative impact of this common compulsion to compare.
